


sweet dreams

by peeves



Category: Shameless (US)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 18:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3499232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peeves/pseuds/peeves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"sometimes i wonder if lip ever blames himself for ian leaving. if he ever thinks about how he was the last person that talked to ian before ian disappeared for a few months. about how he thought ian was just going off to some summer camp, about how he let him go. about how he knew how fucked up ian was after mickey’s wedding, and how he let him go anyways. probably told himself a break would be good for ian. probably told himself he was doing his brother a favor. he never knew what ian went through with mickey, for mickey, on his own, being preyed on by older men. lip thought kash was the last of them, then found out about ned and did what? didn’t do shit. lip was the last person to talk to ian before ian left and i wonder if lip ever thinks about how he let his little brother down."</p>
            </blockquote>





	sweet dreams

_Lip was getting his diploma. Lip was graduating high school. Lip was the first Gallagher to graduate high school._

_Lip didn’t know he would be the last Gallagher to talk to Ian before Ian left._

He picked Liam off the ground and brought him downstairs for breakfast, and ate with Debbie and Carl, while crushing their dreams of moving to Michigan. That was one of his biggest roles as a big brother: crushing dreams. He didn’t blame Debbie or Carl; he knew what it was like, to expect something and to want something and then to have it taken away before it was even yours. He just wanted to protect them, and even though it would hurt initially, even though he knew they would take their disappointment out on him, he had to do it. Fiona couldn’t do it for him when they were growing up, couldn’t shove a reality she was only beginning to understand in his face, but he was older now. He’d do it for the rest of them.

Ian clambered down the stairs, fully dressed in his ROTC gear, a 17 year old reminder that no matter how hard Lip tried to direct his family towards what was best for them, they would stubbornly stick to their dreams.

“Morning,” Ian greeted.

“Wow, Ian, looking sharp,” Debbie commented, almost sarcastically.

“Thanks,” Ian said, grinning.

“What, you got ROTC on the last day before Christmas break?” Lip mocked, rolling the letters ROTC around his mouth like a joke he wanted to make.

“Yeah, they’re having some sort of winter ceremony,” Ian said good-naturedly, and Lip knew he was lying.

“Later,” Ian said, and left the house.

Pushing himself out of his chair and grabbing his coat, Lip decided to chase after his brother. “Alright, finish your breakfasts you guys, no more talking Michigan,” he reminded one last time, and was out the door.

“Yo! Slow down!” he yelled, running after Ian.

“I don’t want to be late,” Ian said without looking back, slowing down, or stopping.

Lip ran faster to catch up. “Hey, glad to see you back,” he teased, out of breath. “Thought we were gonna have to put you on suicide watch, take away your shoelaces and bed sheets.”

“No need,” Ian chuckled. “Moved on. How many times you gotta hear no, right?”

Many, many times, was usually the answer in Ian’s case. If Lip knew his brother at all, no amount of rejection would ever stop him from pursuing what he wanted. Hell, he was apparently going off to some ROTC bullshit right now even after the West Point fiasco.

“Yeah, uh, yeah I guess a good thing about falling for Mickey Milkovich is that you can always find someone better,” Lip said, catching his breath and finally walking in stride with Ian. As soon as the insult left his mouth, he knew he’d said the wrong thing.

“Ha,” Ian responded, humoring him. “Catch up with you after school,” he said, and turned the corner.

“Alright, bye,” Lip called out, but Ian was already gone.

* * *

_Lip got his diploma. Lip graduated high school. Lip was the first Gallagher to be treated to a congraduation meal by Frank._

_Lip didn’t know he would be the last Gallagher to graduate for a very long time._

The party was in full swing by the time Ian stopped by. Lip did his best to enjoy his party, and a small part of him truly did.

Ian pulled Lip into a hug, patting him on the back twice. Good job, _pat_ , congratulations, _pat_ , you fucking did it.

“What’s going on?” Lip greeted. Ian handed his brother a joint and the same grin he wore this morning. The grin that said he’d made up his mind, and nothing was going to change that now.

“Best cure for a hangover.”

“What, thanks,” Lip accepted the gift, and pulled out his lighter. Carl stumbled past, completely covered in winter gear, and slammed the door behind him.

“Where the fuck is he going?” Lip asked, and Ian shrugged. Ian left.

Where the fuck is he going?

* * *

_Lip got accepted into college. Lip had a future. Lip was the first Gallagher to have an academic career after high school._

_Lip was the last Gallagher to talk to Ian before he left._

Lip was smart, always had been. He could tell when people were lying to him; it’s a nifty skill you pick up when your father has never told you anything worth believing, besides “I’ll be back” when he left. Because he would always come back, crawling like a cockroach ready to exploit you at every opportunity. So Lip knew Ian was lying, or at least not telling the full truth, which was the same fuckin’ thing really. But Ian would come back too, right?

Lip had walked in on Kash and Ian, flushed and sweaty, betrayed by the mishap of wearing the wrong shoe. So Lip had asked Karen to give his brother a blowjob. Life would be better for Ian if he were straight.

Lip had found the applications stuffed in Ian’s backpack, applications for a future that entailed gunshots and glory. So Lip had warned him against it, although he ended up trying to help. Life would be better for Ian if he didn’t join the army.

Lip had dragged Ian home after the wedding, drunkenly yelling for the whole world to hear. So Lip had suggested that Ian go fuck someone else. Life would be better for Ian if he could move on from Mickey Milkovich. 

_Name a single time I’ve let you down._

Lip knew something was up. But it was better this way, he reasoned. Ian was smart, in a different way, but all the same capable of taking care of himself. There was nothing to worry about. This would be good for Ian, some space away from Mickey, away from everything else in this godforsaken city. Ian was pursuing his future, the same way Lip would pursue his own. 

Lip let him go.

* * *

“Philip Gallagher,” the man said, glancing at the ID on his clipboard.

“It’s Lip,” Ian corrected, a wry smile on his face at the thought of someone calling his brother by his full name.

“It’s just Gallagher now.”

**Author's Note:**

> (ianschin.tumblr.com) any feedback at all would be appreciated. i feel like this could have been a lot better so i'm sorry about that but i'm pressed for time. thank you for reading :)


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